Would Have...... Should Have.......... Could have

Okay, all of us have some kind of dream....vision or mission we want to achieve. well!!!!!! Not all of us are like that, I am one of them, I am all the time tensed ( God forbid, but I really think my heart condition is already bad)- I am excited about what is coming in near future. Its sad that I really didnt plan something like that, still in an unplanned way I know what I want. I want a decent job, decent apartment, get my own car blah blah blah.....but those are like dreamy dreams and I should try to find a way to achieve it.

To me dream has always been sumthing which are unreachable and it comes true only suddenly by the grace of almighty. You might think I am stupid but its what a means dream to me.

Anyways- its not like I am caught between the fear of future BUT also the regret of past. If something happens other than tryin to look at the good positive things I say.....I should have been better, I could have performed differently, It would have been the best one! isnt that sick......I am now leanring and trying to see the positive parts....there are so much less close people left around me I really feel- I could have done this with them, we should have spent more time- but the sad part- they are changing so am I, they are busy with their lives and nobody can blame anyone for that. We are left with the memories to cherish, may be look forward to see eachother twice a year- god knows what will happen when we will graduate and get into marital life!!! I am sure we will still stick on together and keep in touch :D

With life, with career, with studies, with relationships- everything can be applicable for these tense terms "Would Have...... Should Have.......... Could have" Sometimes I feel I really should have planned a little then we could have had so much more! yet.............may be that would not have been the best way to enjoy natural life. I guess we would have had lesser guilt and regret. GOD! I am sadistic or wat! DUH!

I can't seem to act like a grown up to myself. Where as my pals are into "wedding planning" even family planning already I still think about other imp ppl other than my graduation thoughts! well there are friends like that too- but I feel somehwat some where people are so sunk into their own lives, they don't seem to try swimming up and making a difference.
Lastly have been listening to this song from Alias OST a lot and loving it more n more............

NO MAN'S WOMAN
(Sinéad O'Connor, Scott Cutler, & Anne Preven)

I don't wanna be no man's woman
It don't make me happy this mantrolling
Thing that you got for me so I become
No man's woman
I don't wanna be no man's woman
I've other work I want to get done
I haven't traveled this far to become
No man's woman
No Man's woman
Cuz I'm tired of it
And I'm not scared of it
That I'll never trust again
Cuz a man could fake you
Take your soul and make you
Miserable in so much pain
My friends think I'm alone but I've got secrets
I don't tell everything about the love I get
I got a lovin man but he's a spirit
He never does me harm never treats me bad
He never takes away all the love he has
And I forgive him a million times
I'm never tired of it
And I'm not scared of it
Cuz it doesn't cause me pain
Like a man could fake you
Take your soul and make you
Never be yourself again
I never wanna be no man's woman
I only wanna be my own woman
I haven't traveled this far to become
No man's woman
No man's woman
No man's woman

I dont want to get stuck into this psychadalic insomnia of "Would Have...... Should Have.......... Could have" I really dont want to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!