Lately from somedays I am wondering what to do about something which has been bothering me.
I have the urge to have some alone time. Some would think and label it as a break. Some would say it would rejuvenate myself or it is just another way out to run away from responsibilities.
Does responsibility have any gender? Is it a gender or cluster specific word meant only for certain people?
I am a mom. I admit I did not have complete idea of how life would change after having a child. I honestly didn't know my surroundings or the people or even myself. I never knew what true selfleas love really meant. I never knew what my parents meant. I never knew how much i would miss having my abbu around to see me progressing in life.
I never knew what true responsibility was until I had my son.
Every single moment of my life now goes by wondering about my son....surrounding his activities.....wondering "am I doing it right?" but i never wonder "will Zaeem remember and pay me back for this" see... Selfless love. That is what it means.
My responsibility sense is taking a toll on me. I can feel it. I am never at peace. Am I becoming an addicted mom who always keeps on wondering about his prized possession labeled as son! I do wonder it.
Today I reliased how life is coming to an end while I am planning stuff and nothing is taking place.
Am I in a hurry to visit louvre or drink a cuo of espresso at a random patisserie on a cloudy rainy day or a bright sunny morning?
I love the thought of a lot of things I have left in the past. I love to revisit the memories at times to remind myself what a dynamic person I was with potentials and the courage to dream
I am also in love with the future plans... Ranging from The travelling ideas the books i wanna read the movies I wanna watch or how i am going to take revenge on someone who made fun of me recently.
I love it all. I loved it all. But i am not loving the present. Thus..... I am always this tormented soul who needs a break from the reality and the pseudo imaginary world.
Is it too much to ask for?
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