I think I am suffering from prolonged depression.
Not the I wanna die, Look at me I am out control, Give me love kind of depression....but sometimes it kind of gets there.
No, It all did not start when I was born and learnt senses. I could figure out I am under severe heartache since I started having trust issues with my husband.
It got worse after my child birth. I have been vocal about PPD ever since. I know there are people like me out there. Putting on makeup, ironed clothes and riding on good cars did not ease the pain. Nor did everyday struggle with Buas as in household help or the hard times during everyday budgeting - it might made you more human but the mental health issue is there.
I have recently informed my husband that I am in a dark place.
Last night he put me in a darker place by sharing issues I thought weren't even there! According to him I have attitude problem, not a good mother blah blah. Voila! Isn't that like "give me god of war" instead of "give me a balanced experience" level of difficulty to go on with a game called life?
My husband thinks I am always tired- well depressed people are mostly tired. Yet I did all the social stuff I could lately. If he would pay attention he would have seen that. He would have seen I am getting out of my way and getting into different activities.
I am not going to explain what he commented about my responsibilities for a certain role. I am not going to write it down not because it is utter rubbish and it makes no sense to me. I have rejected his analogy. As a parent it is his responsibility to look after his child, not push the child's mom to a darker place when he and his family has played enough role in dragging me down to depression since I was expecting.
It is sad when you have to go on with life without a person who is supposed to be your biggest friend. But I believe in Allah and I hope to get a solution there.
I wish I could be less explicit but I just couldn't.
Anyways I just had 5 Reese buttercups and now wondering what to do with a squishy toy bought a year back. I have a life to lead and things to do, right? :D
Not the I wanna die, Look at me I am out control, Give me love kind of depression....but sometimes it kind of gets there.
No, It all did not start when I was born and learnt senses. I could figure out I am under severe heartache since I started having trust issues with my husband.
It got worse after my child birth. I have been vocal about PPD ever since. I know there are people like me out there. Putting on makeup, ironed clothes and riding on good cars did not ease the pain. Nor did everyday struggle with Buas as in household help or the hard times during everyday budgeting - it might made you more human but the mental health issue is there.
I have recently informed my husband that I am in a dark place.
Last night he put me in a darker place by sharing issues I thought weren't even there! According to him I have attitude problem, not a good mother blah blah. Voila! Isn't that like "give me god of war" instead of "give me a balanced experience" level of difficulty to go on with a game called life?
My husband thinks I am always tired- well depressed people are mostly tired. Yet I did all the social stuff I could lately. If he would pay attention he would have seen that. He would have seen I am getting out of my way and getting into different activities.
It is sad when you have to go on with life without a person who is supposed to be your biggest friend. But I believe in Allah and I hope to get a solution there.
I wish I could be less explicit but I just couldn't.
Anyways I just had 5 Reese buttercups and now wondering what to do with a squishy toy bought a year back. I have a life to lead and things to do, right? :D
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